This PUPPET (not puppeteer) has a legally binding document issued by the UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT with the letters PhD behind its name. Here’s how:

I wrote “HOW TO BE HAPPY, THE POPULAR METHOD,” under the pen name Dr. Doctor, PhD. It’s a self-help book written in the way people act, essentially the opposite of a self-help book, but those are typically written by people with letters behind their names.

I am not a lettered man, so I registered with the US copyright office under the pen name Dr. Doctor PHD. This puppet is the physical version of this pen name. Ergo, this puppet has a PhD.